How I'd Fix The Secret War of the Phantom General

So, comic writing is rarely known for consistently amazing stories. Often writers have to develop plots quickly and work out the dialogue so there's little time to revise and rewrite in time to make a deadline. And sometimes the stories show that.

Well, our last story, The Secret War of the Phantom General, felt really off, so how would I improve the story if I had the chance?

In case you didn't read that blog, I urge you to use the link above and check it out first, because I'll be addressing points in the story and that will serve as the context.

The story opens fine until we get to the point of Batman and Robin meeting Ralph and Sue in their hotel room. This means that Batman and Robin—in costume—would be walking through a hotel to get to Ralph and Sue's room. This also leads into the weird freak out from Ralph when Batman talks to them about the crimefighting they just did.

My alternate solution is that instead of that, have Batman and Robin on their way back to Wayne Manor where Ralph and Sue are visiting because why wouldn't Bruce Wayne invite a publicly known superhero to visit him? You could still lead into the Von Dort reveal by having Ralph talk about his current investigation that brought him to Gotham City. Bruce and Dick—who would be seen in their civilian identities for once in the story—can confer afterwards. You could also have Aunt Harriet pop up serving refreshments to the guests and Sue offering her own commentary versus her just dropping out. Drop the clumsily introduced flashback to Von Dort and show us some of his backstory.

This would also cut Batman and Robin and Ralph heading out to investigate and going separate ways, which makes little sense that they'd split up. Later, I'd imagine they'd run into each other as they capture the parachuters and then compare notes and head off to the Andes.

The finale in the Andes I'd change where Ralph is put in a trance by Von Dort, who would decide to go activate his death ray. Batman goes off after Von Dort, while Robin has to get Ralph out of the trance so he can deactivate the death ray in time as only Ralph's stretching abilities can reach the components they'd need to reach in time.

And at the end, the celebratory panel could still happen, just now in Wayne Manor with Bruce and Dick back in civilian identities. Rework Bruce's thoughts and give them to Ralph as dialogue.

Like I said, the concept was good, the execution had it all fall apart. It just needed a more dynamic finish and some smoothing out.

Do you have different concepts? Are there stories in the past you think I should fix? Let me know in the comments.